This made me think a lot for some reason probably because you caught me in-between emotions.. Growing up I always was kinda outta the group and loop of a lot of the other kids just more different not cool enough or whatever it was I got shit from other kids because my style & what I liked to do, Girls never liked me because I was weird & different & because I wouldn’t do what everyone else would to fit in. It bugged me a lot sometimes as a kid I lowered my standards to a lot of different things in life and kind of accepted that maybe I’m just made differently and not as good as everyone else. skip forward a few years & now I’m 14-15 Around this time my mom got diagnosed with cancer and had a year to live.. it wasn’t for awhile till I realized what was going on.. when you are a kid everything blends together mix’s between dreamy things and little worries because these years you really are learning things in life new emotion come into play so often and you are so venerable to outside sources and honestly looking back everything from when I was 15 years and younger felt like a different life something that almost was so far away from me but every smell of something brought back vivid nostalgic memories. It only happened a few months before my mothers death where I started understand the feel behind peoples words I learned empathy and realized theres more in the world then just in my mind & what I believe and how I see things. I stopped going to school in 7th grade because people judged me because I was stressed out about school I would wake up at 6am get back at 4pm and learn nothing, literally. Everyone judged my for dropping out of school but for the last 5 years I haven’t had an alarm clock set haven’t had any stress of school work and I’ve been able to spend time in nature and travel and meet so so so so many amazing people. left and right people who change your understanding of life forever, things you wont learn in high school. most of all a big change combined with this and my mothers illness was sympathy and understanding and this sound bold but it played a huge part in any success in my life I kept quiet beneath everyone else I learned how everything ticked and tocked and worked together and how things reacted with each other it really was a science part of my life of learning things. I started to express emotion with other people like me.. I started to blend with others. I learned that no matter who you are you are flawed ether noticeably or within.. this made me so much more comfortable with who and what I was. Photos have always been a favorite of me because I have always lived such a creative life anything and everything iv’e touched i just naturally want to make mine in some way or at least leave a mark, I’m such a rowdy playful soul no matter what it is i’ve hurt people and have blessed people but both have benefited me in learned more about life.. a big step after was coming into conscious with my inner soul I stopped feeding myself anything harmful I started feeding my soul and not my pleasure side of my mind. I started making my self form a taste for healthy food I have always been averagely healthy but I really started eating weird foods that others wouldn’t touch things I know make my body and mind happy. In my view you are made of three things cut separately. You have your sub conscious.. you have your body and mind.. and you have your soul. in order to stay in tune with life you must keep all 3 in a working order. all 3 are here to only make things good for you. Your body does not want anything bad to happened within or to you. Its all a chain reaction. you have to nourish your body and mind to be healthy you must be active you have to do things that make you feel pain so you can become stronger mentally and physically. Your sub conscious is your other half it catches everything you don’t it reads your surrounding its important to fill it with things you love and come to understand it and treat it well because it all comes back to you. It also has a huge play on the way you feel when you don’t pay attention and even more in your dreams when you sleep. The last is your soul is who and what you are its the emotions you feel and the things you love feed your soul by love and other people feed it with the things you love and that make time move by faster. once you get all three of these in working order you will be all around more happy and content. I’ve entered an entire new world literally because being able to control and learn my sub conscious iv’e got really into lucid dreaming.. & I look forward going to sleep every night because I get lost in this crazy world in my mind and its just magic and bliss its better then any drug on psychedelic you could do, I’ve spent time with my mother in my dreams I’ve seen and done things you can’t do in real life. I don’t know how to explain it but lucid dreaming is basically when you are aware you are dreaming and you can take advantage of it, your sub conscious is what makes your dreams landscapes and the things around you and so becoming internally content with it. I started making a name for myself through taking photo’s of my lifestyle & the things around me and it started to inspire people around me i’d get people writing to me about how i’ve made them re evaluate life or sooth there mind and soul. And still to this day I don’t understand how or what but doing something I love & making other people happy while I do it is a no brainer. Seriously Find what you love and do it as much as you can, forever. I’ve learned by exposing my self and not hiding my feelings and thoughts I went from feeling alone to being more loved then ever I have amazing friends all over this planet now. Girls use to never look at me now I can literally seduce and dig into a girls soul and eyes. I’ve gone to places now I thought I never would have in life. I’ve gotten opportunities I never would have before.. People give me more respect for doing something with my life now. Life is a trip and I’m only 18 I got alot ahead of me and I can’t wait for it all to unfold… These are some of the biggest changes in my life sorry If that was long but I’d rather share a little bit of what I learned. I could go on for days, but both of us would be exhausted.